My female name is Tannis
So, life's difficult. And it seems that with anyone I know, online or off, almost everyone falls into one of two categories. Those that are in approximately the same boat as me, and those that just completely disacknowledge that times are tough.
And just lemme touch on that for a moment.
Dear everyone who thinks that society is all awesome and not broken:
Not everyone is in the same boat as you. Just... read my rant. I swear, it seems like everybody outright refuses to acknowledge the state of the economy. If they never comment on it, or click 'like' on anything related to it, or post about it, and do nothing other than the digital equivalent of putting their fingers in their ears and shout "I'M IN MY HAPPY PLACE, I'M IN MY HAPPY PLACE" to themselves, that doesn't make the problem go away. What's that? Can't do anything about it, so why acknowledge it?
Now why in the fuck would anyone in charge make any significant changes if nobody brings it up, huh? They're the ones BENEFITING from silence. Holy christ, record separation of wealth, record poverty, stock market crashes, everything worse than it was before the Great Depression, HOLY FUCK PEOPLE, WAKE THE GODDAMN HELL UP AND SEE THAT HISTORY IS HAPPENING AGAIN!
What's that? Nothing's changed today from yesterday? Everything looks the same, and you still go to work, and you still go to sleep at night, and it still looks the same when you wake up, I know. How can everything be broken?
Been grocery shopping lately? Hell, have you been to any non-essential store during the day?!? Oh yeah, these hundreds of clothing and spangle shops need to be open from morning to evening EVERY SINGLE DAY to sell to the three people that might go in during an hour. Yes, that's CERTAINLY worth paying some poor shmuck to be there full-time, keeping all of the lights and utilities running. For someone to watch one other person idley pick up and put down a shirt once in a while.
That kinda leads me to this investigator bullshit. Now, I've been paying employment insurance every working day of my life. Some of my paycheques is automatically stripped from me to go to this, in case I should find myself unemployed. For starters, a shockingly small number of people, who have been paying into it their entire lives, even get it. Last I read it was about 30% of people receive it, you can probably videos explaining that on youtube or somewhere. So I take this entrepreneurship course in hopes of finding some helpful tips on this side-business I've got going. I don't even remotely expect to be able to make this a full-time job, because... well... see the statement of honesty. But the sheer fact that I TRIED to make my own money, they IMMEDIATELY leapt on that, and started grilling me about how having done so indicates (to them) that I've abandoned all other job-search efforts, and will be immediately incapable of doing any other labour. They even said that even if I make ZERO money on it, the sheer fact that my having announced its existence may strip me of all rights to that employment insurance that I've been paying into for almost 20 years. And so, they hold back EI paycheque after paycheque... full-well knowing that we live at a time when the majority of society is living paycheque to paycheque, and have me jump through hoops and document all job-search efforts, and go back and forth with them, and attend seminars, and do this, and do that, and *UGH*.
You would have to be completely blind to the world to not see that the system as it stands is designed to give the majority of people as little as is possible without causing a complete revolt, which I honestly hope happens soon, and why I hope something comes of that Million Mask March in November. Though personally, I think the first big "thing" to happen that the average person will notice will be a bank run sometime in 2016. That's the prediction I'm currently running with.
I mean seriously. If you refuse to acknowledge reality, that doesn't make it go away. And the longer this shithole of an economy struggles along, the worse the aftermath will be. Ideally, I've hoped that those in power would implement basic income to deal with the blindingly obvious problem of there being more working people than paid jobs that require a human operator, but at this point, I will accept any change whatsoever. I don't care if society falls to violence and chaos, or a utopian society of equality and basic living expenses. I want change. I'm tired of the majority of society, myself included, having to struggle every moment of every day to not die. How is that freedom?
And I'm gonna make a wide-sweeping generalization here. You don't acknowledge there's a problem because you're scared to.
There, I said it. You're scared to lose your job, you're scared to lose your security, you're scared that someone "in power" will see what you've typed, or clicked 'like' on, or in any way acknowledged. You're scared of losing everything if you acknowledge that there is a problem with the system. Because if anything whatsoever breaks with the system, you will be COMPLETELY FUCKED.
That's exactly what those in power want. A flock of mindless labourers, scared into silence and compliance. And I'm tired of being too scared to talk.
*UGH* Well, that felt good to get off my chest. tl;dr: Open your fucking eyes, people. What can you do about it? Nothing? How about open your fucking mouth and acknowledge it. There's election bullshit happening right now, if everyone were bitching about these problems, your
elected purchased officials would have to comment on them. This is shit that they want to kick down the road and not have to deal with on their watch, OBVIOUSLY they won't deal with it if they don't explicitly have to. Just say they will make some minor tweaks to the system, change out a pile of wording after telling the public about it, say it'll magically balance the budget, then pass something that does damn near the opposite. And then pat themselves on the back for having tricked the public once again, and kicked the can further down the road.
And don't just say the other party will fix it, you and I both know that doesn't happen. If it's a major party, they're purchased by big business, and will vote for what benefits them, not us. Vote for Kabutroid.
In happier news, I'm Tannis. Really, this whole genderfluid development is about the only 'positive' happening in my life right now. Lot's happened in a year. Discovered WTF was up with my liking feminine stuff a lot periodically, learned about it, acknowledged it, accepted it, and have now decided what I'd like my female name to be, that being when I'm presenting as a woman. It's pretty self-explanatory, if I'm wearing a bra, call me Tannis. Although for places I'm uncomfortable dressing as a woman, I go under the theory that if I'm wearing a pink bandanna (my typical headwear), I'm Tannis.
Edit: It's fully and legally Tannis now.
Don't know how many people will actually use that name as such... how often do people use a person's real name? No, you look at them and say 'hey', or whatever to get their attention. And like I said, virtually everyone I know has been pretty silent on the whole issue. To me at least, it feels like I'm the elephant in the room. I'm not expecting a party or something, but some vague acknowledgement would be nice. Compliment my nails or something, I dunno. So really, all I can assume is that most people don't really accept my being like this, by way of lack of acknowledgement. Ah well, story of my life or something. S'not like it's going away anytime soon.
That said, those that HAVE acknowledged it and supported me, WOOH, YOU'RE AWESOME! Every supportive comment or 'like' cheers me up just a little bit, makes me feel a little bit better about myself. Makes me think that maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be able to walk down the street in a dress, and not want to run terrified back to my apartment.
So, I'm learning about myself as I go. For those that don't accept that genderfluid is a 'thing', or whatever your compulsion is to resent or disacknowledge it, I like to think that I've probably done a lot more research into the subject than you, and know what I'm talking about. And I'm not just saying that to feel smug, I'm trying to get you off your ass and educate yourself. The internet is a wonderful tool for obtaining knowledge, people really should take greater advantage of this.
Oh, and if you... the person reading this right now... think that I'm singling you out, I'm not. I'm just making some really good points.
And again, if anyone has any questions about any of this... anything at all... feel free to ask me. I've always said my life is an open book but for the asking. You can't hurt my feelings. You can't make me feel uncomfortable. You can't make me feel ashamed. That's the kinda benefit to having accepted yourself... you're actually willing to talk about it with anyone that asks. Once you have nothing left to hide, what fear is there in speaking?
Well, aside from the fear of losing your jobs, livelihoods, income stream, homes, possessions, and being stripped of everything you've ever earned for pointing out inconsistencies and problems with the system. Acknowledging it and speaking about it makes you feel better though. Unless you're trapped in a rich-person bubble, whereas you feel nothing. It's acceptable for YOU, therefore it must acceptable for everyone, right?
Whelp, rice and potatoes for me. And if anyone knows of any particularly good resources for learning about mobile living, lemme know. These days, having a permanent residence is simply financially infeasible. With apartments becoming condos being the new norm, soon the only way to obtain permanent residence will be to sink yourself irreparably into debt. And if you have a knee-jerk reaction to that last statement, see the rich-person bubble above.
And the worst part is that as much as I bitch and complain about everything, and come out publicly as genderfluid, I have absolutely no way of knowing if this IS indeed adversely affecting my employment prospects. DO companies still check people's facebook pages? ARE any of them tossing my resume due to my political views, or my being transgender (that's right, I'm whipping out my relatively new gender card)? I have no way of knowing. I'd like to THINK that I'm being judged on my merits and skills, rather than what I do when not labouring for income.
No safety net, no fallback, few savings, few close friends, fewer connections, and no way of knowing if I'm simply shunned from society, left to discover this on my own years down the road when I cry to the heavens "Why am I incapable of success?"
"You're just not trying hard enough."
Just... *UGH*. There's a reason I keep tossing around the phrase "mathematically unsustainable". Because it's true.
So hey, been a lot of development in my life. I've... come out more thoroughly, for lack of a better description. INdulge me, while I prattle on about the state of my affairs.
As you may know, my old name is James. However, having recognized, acknowledged, and accepted my genderfluidity, I've given myself a female name as well. Tannis.
I've posted a video online about it, and sent a link to my family. Few responses, which I more or less expected. A friend or two was enthusiastically accepting, so that was nice.
In other news, I'm being investigated because I dared to try opening a business while on employment insurance, have had my last few payments held back in the meantime, and my marriage has seen better days.
I'd probably enjoy my unemployment more if I didn't have the constant spectre of "OBTAIN MORE WEALTH OR YOU WILL DIE" hovering over my head at all times. And then dealing with the rest at the same time just... sucks.
So if you're wondering why I haven't been more active, I'm just dealing with all of that, and it wipes you out. At this point, I'm diving into "survival mode". Howe little am I capable of surviving on?
Maybe I'll get some of that EI that I've been paying into my entire working life once this investigator bullshit is done, and maybe I'll get a job that we all well know will pay me starvation wages. What other option is there?
And so, I survive. I've looked into mobile living, but even that requires food money. That's why I have to find out how little is required to keep me alive. I don't HAVE a parental fallback, or nest egg, or safety net. Just brains and skills that nobody will pay for in such an inequal world.
Basically everything was designed by Nintendo, who I'm hoping still let me keep doing my thing. It's a parody. And free. Did I mention they're awesome too?
Comics, ideas, etc, etc owned by me, blah, blah, legal crap. Look, just don't be a jerk, and it's all good. I'm pretty easygoing, and really don't care all that much... just don't go impersonating me and we're cool.